When I choose
submission, what am I choosing?
I can't hold myself up as a perfectly submissive wife and I don't have all the
answers, but I can share some thoughts from my personal perspective. What are
my goals? What are my dreams? What am I asking for, in my husband and in
myself? Not perfection. I know that's not possible in this world. But I do want
to keep trying to pursue the sort of life I think God wants me to live for him.
Submission in
its many aspects is pleasing to God.
Everyone has
various people at various times in their lives they must submit to, and
ultimately we must all submit to God if we are to be pleasing to him. Further,
in Ephesians 5:22-33,
We are told
that the Christian marriage is a small shadowy picture of how the church should
relate to Jesus. As I experience the difficulties and the pleasures of living
in harmony with someone who is in authority over me and yet loves me
sacrificially, I get a first-hand practical glimpse of the sort of relationship
God wants with His body here on earth, the church. I
am learning about heavenly things in a very earthly way, but it's a way I can
relate to and understand. Submission is a very basic idea in a Christian life.
Submission of a wife to her husband will be a very rewarding and growing
experience, but it won't be easy, that's for sure. (The
insight here of the writer as a common beleiver is remarkable)
Peace in the
home and in the marriage relationship is the first attraction of living in
submission. Many women are
attracted to submission and/or DD (Domestic
Discipline – The belief in not only corporal punishment for children, [as in
spanking and paddling] but for the wife as well when she enters into sin and disobedience) because of a desire to live in a more peaceful
home. (Wre must comment here that
for two years we have observed and spoken to a number of people who walk in DD
and we have found far deeper personal relationships between the husband and
wife and the parents and the children with unsaved people than we have seen in
all our years in churches and groups and even bible school, we have come to the
conclussion that this type of relationship with disciple is not only scriptural
but the fruits of this among even the unsaved puts the Church to shame) When any group of people has more than one leader
struggling for control, there can be jealousy, confusion and chaos. When I as a wife give
the gift of submission to my husband, I can begin to put away some of my
struggles (For control over the
household, over finances, and over personal rights) and relax. (She has entered into rest)
Another positive aspect for me as a wife is the
security that submission can bring.
When I know that my husband is going to think of me and our family first, then
make the decision according to what is best for everyone, I can enjoy the feeling that I don't have to make
all the calls or try to take control. The end result of a difference of opinion is
not a winner and a loser because I am
not trying to fight. I am trying to support, and everyone will win. That security can give
me the freedom to grow and mature in my own spirit, knowing that my husband
will support me as well, since he's not having to try to save face or keep his
position. Each spouse is free to develop in his or her own way when we know our
basic roles and duties.
The third benefit is encouragement.
In knowing that we as a couple are both working towards a common goal, I can
find encouragement. I can draw
strength from the idea that I am not just treading water in my marriages (Most Christian Marriages are in this state of
treading water, they tollerate each other rather than truly being one in soul
mind and spirit – they live in the day to day struggle of jockeying for control
and as such the household is double minded and therefore in spiritual paralysis. And in
this atmosphere many husbands grow cold in their relationship with God as with
their wife – The fruit of this is truly evil as the church contunues to wither
and die from this great blight) but really taking steps to thrive. In this
effort the only failure would be to quit trying, so I can enjoy the new
beginning each day brings.
As I support
and submit to my husband, sometimes I find that my husband gives me more
encouragement as well. If we share this goal as a couple, that will be a
beautiful thing, to mutually tend and cherish this submission, through good times
and bad. This goal could provide a source of joy for us through personal
triumphs or tragedies. Despite job issues, child-rearing challenges or even
natural disasters, we can feel we are still working for the benefit of our
family.
The duties of the Christian wife begin with
encouragement as well.
Proverbs 31: 10-12 Who
can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above
rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall
have no need of spoil. She will do
him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31: 26-28 She openeth her
mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well
to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her
children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband
also, and he praiseth her.
When I try to encourage my husband in
his role as leader,
my husband can feel free to return the sentiments and lift me up. Instead of
the two of us tearing each other down with criticism and avoidance, we can
build each other up as we so often do with other believers but so tragically
forget to do at home. How many times
do I faithfully pray for a friend with health problems, but forget to pray for
my husband as he leads our home? What wonderful benefits I can gain with the
simple habit of encouragement, especially through prayer! I gain the knowledge
that I have prayed, I gain the benefits of God's
answers to my prayers (whatever those may be) and I grow closer in love and
commitment to my husband.
Another duty is to give my input honestly and
willingly before decisions are made.
It's not fair for me to expect my
husband to take my feelings into account without telling him about those
feelings
at the right time and in a respectful
manner. If I don't remind him how I feel, he may either forget or not even
know how I feel. I don't care how many
years we have been married, there are still times when he surprises me (By not knowing or not remembering important
dates, and my feelings) and I imagine he would say
the same about me surprising him. Why not take the opportunity to share with
him my reactions and ideas? He may not go
with them in his decision, but at least I'll know he has heard me. (This is maturity)
A third duty for me to remember is to support my
husband in his decisions once they are made.
I used to think that it was enough if
I didn't put up a fuss, but went along with
what he said. I still think that's a healthy attitude. Now, however, I think it is important not only to
go along with his calls when I don't agree, but also to try to find something
good about his choices in the first place. Even if I think my husband's decision is
a cloud, it probably has a silver lining if I am willing to look for it.
Submission is a gift, and if we are both to enjoy it to the fullest, it would
be best for me to give it with a smile and a pat on the back, rather than
grumbling all the way. I may not be able to change my opinion, but I can at
least find good in his opinion, too.
Along with this idea of supporting my husband's
decisions comes the idea of no recriminations when things go wrong.
No one is perfect. Eventually
even the most loving, wise husband will make a bad call and things will go
sour.
What should I do about it? Why not give him the benefit of the doubt, encourage
him to keep trying, remind him that he did his best or
whatever else he needs so that his mistake won't beat him down? He's probably already beating himself up
over the mistake. He doesn't need me to make it worse. I might talk with
him about how we can fix the problem or avoid it next time, but without blame or bitterness. I know it's hard, but I
really am trying to encourage my husband even when things don't go well.
These duties are not easy and I won't claim they are. It's not as if we can just flip a switch and *poof* we can be submissive. It doesn't work that way. These efforts take practice, patience, prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives to truly pay off. The more effort we are willing to put in and the more we open ourselves up to God's direction and our husbands leadership, the richer and fuller our lives become. I guess the more we practice the duties, the more we'll see the beauties.